I have come to learn that I am awesome at giving advice and helping others, excellent at it, actually. I get such a thrill from telling others what to do and even how they should do it. I am also really helpful to others with just about anything. If someone needs their party planned? I got it! If you need help with personalized gift ideas? I'm your girl! If you need help with staging and event design? I have advice for days.
However, I am not good at taking my own advice or seeking help for myself. How frustrating it is to admit during this stage of my life; I feel like I should be past this. Nevertheless, it is also a stark revelation that I must acknowledge this stage as a gracious invitation to grow. My realization of how awful I am at following my own advice or opening myself up to help, brings awareness to how I negatively view even asking for help as well. It feels almost like a curse word to me; Expressing a need for help sounds dirty coming out of my mouth. It feels painful to admit that I'm not capable of handling things all on my own. ABSURD ... right? Yet, even as I type this out, I feel compelled to confess that this is how I truly feel.
Am I the only one who shares this self-defeating belief that asking for help equates to not being good enough?
If not, tell me how you have arrived. Send ya girl some tips.
I am open to all the prayers and good vibes sent my way, but please don't worry or pity me. I am admitting this because I am choosing to shutdown this way of thinking, RIGHT NOW! In the weeks since I began tackling my business full-time, I have come to realize A LOT of new things about myself:
#1) I am not a morning person and since I don't like mornings, I need to force myself to get up early in order to successfully tackle my extensive list of tasks ... I have to set them out a day ahead.
#2) I do not like to leave things incomplete, although I know the importance of stepping away briefly to gain perspective. Scheduling and planning ahead ultimately saves more time in the day and allows full completion of my tasks so I don’t begrudgingly leave anything incomplete. I've also recognized how smoothly I navigate throughout my day when I prioritize what needs to be done in order of importance. This is a huge adjustment for me that felt excessive and tedious, but is proving to be increasingly beneficial.
#3) Coffee does the job for me. Tea is not my jam. There is something about the taste of coffee I've become accustomed to. Maybe it’s the warmth or immediate satisfaction of it all. OoOoOrr ... maybe I'm just an addict and I need help.
#4) I love being a stay-at-home mom, but it is exhausting. Being a stay-at-home wife, mom, and entrepreneur, has proven to be the biggest challenge yet also totally rewarding. And … due to all of the reasons listed above add to the ever growing list of reasons I need coffee (I'm literally laughing out loud, I know I sound like a legit addict).
Admitting these things out loud and expressing them openly feels liberating for me. It allows me to reflect and improve. I now know the truth in the scripture “death and life lies in the power of the tongue...,” so I say these inconvenient truths in order to not let them control me. I am coming to accept my dislikes and limitations, so I can work around them and move things forward anyway.
Last week, I wrote about being intentional and realistic about what I can get done each day. This is a super important practice because it helps me avoid beating myself up when I don’t finish everything I planned too. This intentional practice is also teaching me to ask for help when my deadlines are pressing and my time is minimal. I’m also showing patience patience by allowing things to simply stay on my task list if help isn’t available. But … if it is something that someone else can do, I am learning to relinquish it to my “people”.
I hope you all understand, I am still learning.
Mistakes, redo’s, pass-offs, and failure will occur and that's okay. Learning does not mean that I am failing (it doesn’t mean you are either!) because I’m making mistakes. It’s quite the contrary, and even if I fail to instantly resolve mistakes; it doesn't mean I'M a failure. But I can promise I will continue to turn my mistakes into lessons, and my lessons into blessings.
I think that it’s important to relish in the small victories every day too. Whether it's getting in an estimate to a client, submitting an invoice to another, or finally adding a new website feature, I even do a little victory dance. Yes, these little victories make my learning, reflecting, and growing experiences all worth it. I am enjoying taking these victory-by-victory, day-by-day, but not just a day at a time … or even a minute at a time, but a moment. One moment at a time.
Happy Wednesday and Much Agape Loves,